Bull Durham
In baseball, you don't know nothing.
--Yogi Berra
Whoever wants to know the heart and
mind of America had better learn
baseball.
--Jacques Barzun
You could look it up.
--Casey Stengel
Titles over--
FADE IN:
A series of still photos. Black and white. Ancient.
BABE RUTH SWINGS -- An icon of American history. His giant
upper body balanced delicately on tiny ankles and feet. The
huge bat in an elegant followthrough...
DISSOLVE TO:
TY COBB ROUNDS THIRD -- The most vicious ballplayer of them
all, a balletic whirling dervish.
DISSOLVE TO:
JACKIE ROBINSON STEALS ROME -- Yogi Berra applies the tag.
Too late.
DISSOLVE TO:
JOE DIMAGGIO WITH HIS SON in the Yankee clubhouse. Walking
down the runway, Joe in uniform. Number five.
PULLBACK REVEALS:
A WALL COVERED WITH BASEBALL PICTURES behind a small table
covered with objects and lit candles. A baseball, an old
baseball card, a broken bat, a rosin bag, a jar of pine tar--
also a peacock feather, a silk shawl, a picture of Isadora
Duncan. Clearly, the arrangement is--
A SHRINE -- And it glows with the candles like some religious
altar.
We hear a woman's voice in a North Carolina accent.
ANNIE (V.O.)
I believe in the Church of
Baseball.
(beat)
I've tried all the major religions
and most of the minor ones--I've
worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma,
Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms,
and Isadora Duncan...
PAN AWAY FROM THE SHRINE across the room. Late afternoon
light spills into the room, across fine old furniture, to a
small dressing table. A WOMAN applies make up.
ANNIE SAVOY, mid 30's, touches up her face. Very pretty,
knowing, outwardly confident. Words flow from her Southern
lips with ease, but her view of the world crosses Southern,
National and International borders. She's cosmic.
ANNIE (V.O. CONT'D)
I know things. For instance--
(beat)
There are 108 beads in a Catholic
rosary. And--
(beat)
There are 108 stitches in a
baseball.
(beat)
When I learned that, I gave Jesus
a chance.
(beat)
But it just didn't work out between
us The Lord laid too much guilt
on me. I prefer metaphysics to
theology.
(beat)
You see, there's no guilt in
baseball...and it's never boring.
ANNIE OPENS A CLOSET DOOR -- Dozens of shoes hang from the
door. She chooses a pair of RED HIGH HEELS, with thin straps.
She sits on a bench and
ANNIE
Which makes It like sex.
(beat)
There's never been a ballplayer
slept with me who didn't have the
best year of his career.
(beat)
Making love is like hitting a
baseball--you just got to relax
and concentrate.
ANNIE SLIPS ON THE RED HIGH HEELS -- Smoothing her hands up
her calves as she does.
ANNIE
Besides, I'd never sleep with a
player hitting under .250 unless
he had a lot of R.B.I.'s or was a
great glove man up the middle.
(beat)
A woman's got to have standards.
SHE HOLDS OUR HER LEGS DISPLAYING THE HEELS, side by side.
Like a little girl showing off her new shoes.
ANNIE
The young players start off full
of enthusiasm and energy but they
don't realize that come July and
August when the weather is hot
it's hard to perform at your peak
level.
(beat)
The veterans pace themselves
better. They finish stronger.
They're great in September.
(beat)
While I don't believe a woman
needs a man to be fulfilled, I do
confess an interest in finding
the ultimate guy--he'd have that
youthful exuberance but the
veteran's sense of timing...
ANNIE STARTS PACKING A HUGE HANDBAG -- With fruit, an official
scorebook, binoculars, a radar gun, and lipstick.
ANNIE
Y'see there's a certain amount of
"life-wisdom" I give these boys.
(beat)
I can expand their minds.
Sometimes when I've got a
ballplayer alone I'll just read
Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman
to him. The guys are so sweet--
they always stay and listen.
(beat)
Of course a guy will listen to
anything if he thinks it's
foreplay.
ANNIE TOUCHES PERFUME BEHIND HER EARS and, ever so slightly,
in her cleavage.
ANNIE
I make then feel confident. They
make me feel safe. And pretty.
ANNIE POSES IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR -- She smoothes her dress
along her hips. And puts on a flashy pair of sunglasses.
Stylish and slightly mad.
ANNIE
what I give them lasts a life-
time. What they give me lasts
142 games. Sometimes it seems
like a bad trade
(quickly rebounding)
but bad trades are part of baseball--
who can forget Frank Robinson or
Milt Pappas, for Godsakes!
(beat)
It's a long season and you got to
trust it.
ANNIE STARTS FOR THE DOOR and grabs her baseball glove
CUT TO:
EXT. ANNIE'S HOUSE -- DUSK
A frame house with porch and lots of trees--a Thomas Wolfe
house...with a 1959 faded red Volvo in the driveway.
ANNIE LEAVES ON FOOT, turning onto the sidewalk of a bucolic,
old Durham, North Carolina neighborhood. In the b.g. other
people are heading the same direction ANNIE PULLS A DURHAM
BULLS BASEBALL CAP from her handbag and pulls it on her head.
ANNIE
I've tried them all--I really
have--
(beat)
and the only church that truly
feeds the soul--day in, day out--
is the Church of Baseball.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE CHURCH -- DURHAM BASEBALL PARK -- DUSK
Now visible In the late afternoon sun, a rickety old stadium
carved into the center of an old Tobacco town.
People are arriving on foot from all around...
"Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley fills the air.
CLOSE ON A BASEBALL CLOWN -- MAX PATKIN, 60, at home plate
doing his famous Bill Haley routine.- A comic pitcher's windup
full of twists and goofy choreography.
RECORDING OVER P.A.
One o'clock, two o'clock, three
o'clock, rock...Four o'clock,
five o'clock, six o'clock rock...
ANNIE SITS DOWN IN HER PRIVATE BOX SEAT -- Her chair is wiped
off by a young black boy, JACKSON, 11, who then sits next to
her. He is her employed errand runner, note sender, and
friend.
A GROUP OF GROUPIES ENTERS THE PARK -- 20 year old girl/women,
dressed in tight pants, tight everything.
Friendly, eager, innocent--THEY WAVE TO ANNIE.
FIVE PLAYERS' WIVES AND THREE SMALL CHILDREN sit in a special
box seat behind a small sign "Players' Wives".
RECORDING OVER P.A.
Seven o'clock, eight o'clock,
nine o'clock rock...we're gonna
rock around the clock tonight
CUT TO:
EXT/INT. THE DURHAM BULL DUGOUT -- NIGHT
AS MAX PATKIN CONTINUES HIS ROUTINE, PLAYERS WARM UP, AND-
THE MANAGER, JOE RIGGINS, 45, known merely as SKIP, short
for "Skipper", a chaw of tobacco in his cheek, stands with
his pitching coach, LARRY HOCKETT late 30's, an ex-big leaguer
whose body has seen too many cocktail lounges.
LARRY ROLLS SOME RED MAN CHEWING TOBACCO into a slab of pink
bubble gum, carefully folding the corners, tucking it neatly
together. Larry examines it as they talk-And shoves the
giant chaw into his mouth.
SKIP
Where's Ebby?
LARRY
Ain't he warning up?
SKIP
(cynically)
No. The guy's professional debut
and he forgets about it.
LARRY
Better find our bonus baby, eh?
A PLAYER, DEKE, 25, stuffs a hot dog into his mouth.
SKIP
Seen Ebby?
DEKE
(mouthful of food)
Nope.
SKIP WHIRLS AND HEADS UP THE TUNNEL into the:
CUT TO:
INT. THE DURHAM CLUBHOUSE -- NIGHT
SKIP enters, shouting--
SKIP
Ebby?!
CLOSE ON A BARE ASS -- Baseball uniform around the ankles,
short t-shirt on top, and on top of that the head of EBBY
CALVIN LALOOSH, baseball cap on backwards. EBBY is a great
looking energetic man-child with the endless confidence,
naivete and horniness of youth.
Life is a party.
A YOUNG WOMAN, MILLIE, 20, half nude, is dressing quickly.
EBBY WHIRLS as Skip enters.
SKIP
Jesus. Game starts in four
minutes!
(beat)
Why ain't you warm?!
EBBY
I am warm.
SKIP
I'm fining you a hundred dollars.
Jesus, Ebby, this is your
professional debut tonight--you
know how many guys out there'd
give blood to be in your shoes
an' you're leavin' your fastball
in the locker room for some piece
of ass!
MILLIE LOOKS OUT FROM BEHIND A BAT RACK -- Outraged.
MILLIE
Skip, It's me! I'm not some quote
piece of ass unquote.
SKIP
Oh, Millie, jeez, sorry--I didn't
recognize ya. Don't take it
personal but if I catch you in
here again you're banned from the
ballpark.
MILLIE
You can't ban me from the ballpark
'cause Daddy donated the scoreboard
and if you banned me he might
take the scoreboard away.
SKIP
Whatta we need a scoreboard for?
We haven't scored any runs all
year
(tough, to Ebby)
Get your ass out there.
As Skip starts to leave.
EBBY)
Hey Boss, I got a question.
SKIP
(stops, exasperated)
What?!
EBBY
You think I need a nickname? I
think I need a nickname. The
great ones have nicknames--
somethin' like Oil Can or Catfish
Skip stares at him. He can't believe this guy.
SKIP
Ya got three minutes.
SKIP WHIRLS AND HEADS BACK OUT TO THE FIELD -- And Ebby
unperturbed, turns his attention back to Millie.
EBBY
Got time for another quickie?
MILLIE
Jesus, you got a game to pitch!
EBBY
But we got three minutes.
EXT. THE BALLPARK -- MOMENTS LATER -- NIGHT
CUT TO:
MAX PATKIN STILL FLAILING AWAY to "Rock Around the Clock".
RECORDING
When the clock strikes two, three,
and four and the band slows down
we'll yell for more, gonna rock
around the clock tonight.
ANNIE LOOKS THROUGH HER BINOCULARS -- Studying the players
warming up casually on the sidelines as Patkin winds up his
act.
P.O.V. A LATIN PLAYER playing pepper.
ANNIE
Number twenty-two's thighs are
just great. Who's he?
JACKSON
(reading the program)
Jose Galindo. He hit .314 at
Lynchburg last year.
ANNIE
Three-fourteen? Hmmm... Look't
those thighs, Jackson
BACK TO MAX PATKIN -- He finishes his routine.
RECORDING OVER P.A.
Gonna rock, gonna rock around the
clock tonight.
INT. PRESS BOX -- NIGHT
CUT TO:
A WOMAN ANNOUNCER, MARYLOU, 30, speaks into the P.A. mike.
ANNOUNCER
Let's hear it for Max Patkin--
Applause as Patkin takes his bows, leaves the field, shakes
hands with a the BULL MASCOT LEADING THE APPLAUSE.
ANNOUNCER
"The Greatest Show on Dirt"--your
own Durham Bulls!
CUT TO:
INT. THE DUGOUT
CLOSE ON ANOTHER PLAYER -- MICKEY MCFEE, 23, black. Smoking
a cigaret--always smoking a cigaret. He snuffs out his
cigaret and RUNS onto the field with the rest of the team,
as--
EBBY ENTERS THE DUGOUT from the runway. Larry and Skip
encourage their players running onto the field. Ebby is
trying to get the zipper on his fly unstuck. He smiles
broadly at Skip and Larry, and grabs his glove.
EBBY
I'm there, Skip, I'm ready.
CUT TO:
INT. THE PRESS BOX
THE RADIO ANNOUNCER, TEDDY CULLINANE, 50, leans into the
radio mike of a very small local station. Next to him is
the local SPORTSWRITER, WHITEY SHERRARD, 40. Between them
they've seen a million minor league players come and go.
WHITEY
Is this guy LaLoosh worth a hundred
grand? I hear he's a quart low?
TEDDY THE RADIO MAN
(covering the mike)
He's left handed. Whattya expect?
(on the air)
The Bulls are off to a slow start
having dropped their first three
games, but hope to turn it around
tonight with the professional
debut of the heralded young left
hander, Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
(beat)
Stepping In for the Peninsula
White Sox is leadoff hitter Willie
Foster
CUT TO:
EXT. THE BALLFIELD -- NIGHT
ANGLE TO ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- Millie has joined Annie and
Jackson. Clearly, the younger women look up to Annie for
wisdom and insight.
ANNIE
--Millie, you've got to stay out
of the clubhouse. It'll just get
everybody in trouble.
MILLIE
I got lured.
ANNIE
You didn't get "lured". Women
never get lured. They're too
strong and powerful for that.
Now say it--"I didn't get lured
and I will take responsibility
for my actions".
MILLIE
"I didn't get lured and I will
take responsibility for my
actions".
ANNIE
That's better.
(to Jackson)
Got the radar ready?
JACKSON
Ready.
JACKSON AIMS A RADAR GUN at the plate.
THE PENINSULA WHITE SOX LEADOFF HITTER steps in.
TEDDY THE RADIO MAN (V.O.)
The word on LaLoosh is that the
good looking young lefty has a
major league fastball but sometimes
has problems with his control
EBBY CALVIN LALOOSH WINDS UP and fires. The pitch sails
over the batter's head, over the catcher's head, over the
backstop, and CRASHES INTO THE PRESS BOX.
CUT TO:
INT. THE PRESS BOX
THE ANNOUNCER AND SPORTSWRITER CRASH to the floor as the
ball smashes into their booth.
CUT TO:
INT. THE DUGOUT
SKIP SPITS TOBACCO, mumbles flatly to Larry.
SKIP
Little high.
LARRY
(shouts to EBBY)
C'mon big 'un, you're okay...
ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- She turns to Jackson.
JACKSON
Ninety-five miles an hour.
ANNIE
He looks great, just great!
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PITCHER'S MOUND
THE CATCHER TALKS TO EBBY, trying to calm him down.
CATCHER
What the hell was that?! Lighten
up a little. Awright?
EBBY,
(to catcher)
Hey--what's your name again--I'm
bad with names--
CATCHER
Ed. You want me to write it on
my chest? Jesus ...
EBBY
Sorry. Hey, Ed, I got a question.
CATCHER
What?
EBBY
Who's the beef sitting behind the
third base dugout?
CATCHER
(slowly)
That's Annie Savoy. Nice eh?
But that's more woman than you
ever dreamed of, Rook. She could
kick your ass and have you for
breakfast
THE CATCHER RETURNS to the plate.
INT. THE PRESS BOX
CUT TO:
WHITEY AND TEDDY WARILY CLIMB back to their seats.
TEDDY
One ball and no strikes to Willie
Foster...
CUT TO:
EBBY'S NEXT PITCH HITS FOSTER in the ribs. He crumples.
CUT TO:
ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- She's writing a note. She hands it to
Jackson.
ANNIE
Take this to Ebby in the dugout
between innings.
JACKSON
What's it say?
ANNIE
It says he's not bending his back
on his follow-through.
JACKSON RUNS OFF with the note. Annie turns to Millie.
ANNIE
Well let's get down to it, honey--
how was he?
MILLIE
Well, he fucks like he pitches.
Sorta all over the place
P.O.V. EBBY LALOOSH FIRES ANOTHER ONE into the stands. And--
Hit "Rock Around the Clock"--
DISSOLVE INTO:
QUICK MONTAGE OF EBBY'S FIRST GAME -- Strikeouts and wild
pitches. A young, gifted, uncontrollable thrower.
BILL HALEY AND HIS COMETS
When the chimes ring five, six
and seven--We'll be right in
Seventh Heaven, Gonna rock around
the clock tonight...
EBBY UNLEASHES A WILD ONE -- And decks the Bull Mascot.
EBBY IN THE DUGOUT READS THE NOTE from Annie.
EBBY STRIKES OUT a Peninsula batter.
EBBY UNLEASHES ANOTHER WILD ONE and a batter hits the dirt.
End "Rock Around the Clock" and--
CUT TO:
INT. THE BULL LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT
SKIP WALKS THROUGH THE PLAYERS ROOM -- Players are up, joking
irreverently.
JOSE
Hey Lefty, hold 'em to 12 runs
every night, you'll win 20--
EBBY
(he might be serious)
Had 'em all the way.
A DURHAM PLAYER SITTING HALF DRESSED in front of his locker.
A PICTURE OF JESUS hangs amidst his gear. The player, JIMMY,
25, has a Bible and prays softly to himself.
JIMMY
Dear Lord, thank you for being
with us tonight, thank you for
protecting us from injury and--
DEKE WALKS BY, shaking Jimmy irreverently as he prays.
DEKE
Wake up, wake up--
MICKEY (A BLACK) COMPLAINS TO TONY as they undress.
MICKEY
This league is racist, man.
TONY
Every time you go 0 for 4 you
think the league is racist-face
it, Mick, you're an equal
opportunity "out".
CUT TO:
THE MANAGER'S OFFICE -- A tiny cubicle, a desk, phone Larry
joins him with the pitching charts. Skip studies the charts.
SKIP
He walked eighteen?!
LARRY
It's a league record.
SKIP
Struck out eighteen...
LARRY
League record.
(beat)
And he hit the Radio Announcer, a
Sportswriter, and the Bull Mascot
twice--also league records--
(beat)
Joe, the guy's got some serious
shit.
THE DOOR OPENS -- A PLAYER ENTERS, in street clothes, carrying
his suitcases. CRASH DAVIS, 30, older than the other players.
And different. More than just opinions, he actually has a
point of view. A career minor leaguer, hanging on wherever
he can get a job. Unlike Ebby--Crash knows a lot about the
world without baseball. Also unlike Ebby--he loves baseball
desperately.
LARRY
Who're you?
Crash speaks slowly, with a trace of cynicism and pride,
like an old warrior who knows he's just a hired gun.
CRASH
I am the player to be named later.
Beat. Skip looks out, half dressed, from his cubicle.
SKIP
Crash Davis?
CRASH
The Crash Davis.
(beat, then nonstop))
And you, Larry Hockett, should
recognize me 'cause five years
ago in the Texas League when you
were pitching for El Paso and I
was hitting cleanup for Shreveport,
you hung a curve on an 0-2 pitch
of a 3-2 game in bottom of the
8th and I tattooed it over the
Goodyear Tire sign, beat you 4-3--
and I got a free wheel alignment
from Goodyear.
LARRY
(remembering)
Ohyeah. I shoulda throwed a
slider. Damn, Crash, how're ya?
SKIP
I'm Joe Riggins. Sit down
CRASH
I'm too old for this shit. Why
the hell am I back in "A" ball?
SKIP
'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
(beat)
The Big Club's got a hundred
grand in him-
LARRY
He's got a million dollar arm and
a five cent head.
SKIP
--we had the gun on him tonight--
the last five pitches he threw
were faster than the first five.
96 miles an hour, 98, 97, 97.
97. (beat) He's got the best
young arm I've seen in 30 years.
LARRY
But he ain't quite sure which
plane he's on, y'know what I
mean...
SKIP
You been around, you're smart,
you're professional, you know
what it takes--
(beat)
We want you to mature the kid.
CRASH
"Mature" ain't a fuckin' verb.
LARRY
You go to college or what?
SKIP
We want you to room with him on
the road and stay on his case all
year.
(beat)
He can go all the way.
CRASH
And where can I go?
SKIP
You can keep going to the ballpark
and keep gettin' paid to do it.
(beat)
Beats hell outta working at Sears.
LARRY
Sears sucks, Crash, I tried it
once. Sold Lady Kenmores--it's
nasty, nasty work.
SKIP
Even if it's the Carolina League--
this is a chance to play everyday.
CRASH
(angrily)
You don't want a player, you want
a stable pony. My Triple A
contract gets bought out so I can
hold the Flavor o' the Month's
dick in the bus leagues?!
(angrily)
Fuck this fucking game... I
fuckin' quit.
CRASH RISES TO LEAVE -- Picks up his luggage, and turns to
Skip and Larry before exiting. A deep breath
CRASH
Who we play tomorrow?
Beat. They know, they share the inability to quit the game.
They're all clinging to the Church of Baseball.
SKIP
Winston-Salem. Batting practice
at 4:30.
CRASH LEAVES and as he does -- Ed (the catcher) enters.
ED
You wanted to see me?
SKIP
Yeah, Ed, shut the door...
He does. Remains standing. He can see it coming.
SKIP
This is the toughest job a manager
has, Ed...
(deep breath)
But the organization has decided
to make a change--we're releasing
you from your contract...
CLOSE ON ED -- Silent. Motionless. Empty.
CUT TO:
INT. THE LOCKER ROOM --
CRASH PUTS HIS BAG IN A LOCKER as other players return from
the shower. Crash watches as EBBY SOAKS HIS ELBOW IN A TUB
OF ICE WATER as the sports writer, Whitey, interviews him.
WHITEY
How's it feel to get your first
professional win?
EBBY
It feels "out there". A major
rush. I mean it doesn't just
feel "out there" but it feels out
there.
CRASH
Hopeless. Utterly fucking
hopeless.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXWELL'S BAR -- LATER THAT NIGHT
Loud country music in the players' hangout and pickup spot.
It's full of players and lots of young women.
MILLIE SITS DOWN NEXT TO YET ANOTHER PLAYER, TONY, 25-- He's
slick, urban, smooth.
MILLIE
Hi, I'm Millie.
TONY
I'm Tony. I play left field.
MILLIE
I know.
ANNIE SITS IN THE CORNER at her own table. Max Patkin,
looking spiffy in a turtle neck sweater and double breasted
blazer, sits down next to her. Old friends.
MAX
Love the game, Annie, love it
(dead serious)
When I die I'm gonna have my ashes
sprinkled around a pitcher's mound
in some ballpark somewhere--
(beat)
--and I'll have a few ashes saved
for the rosin bag so I'll still
be in the game after I'm gone.
ANNIE
What a sweet idea-
A COCKTAIL WAITRESS DELIVERS another round to them.
ANNIE
We didn't order this, honey...
WAITRESS
(she points)
He did.
P.O.V. CRASH DAVIS SITTING ALONE IN THE OTHER CORNER. HE
waves, and smiles easily.
ANNIE
(to Max)
Who's that?
MAX
Hey--that's Crash Davis. He's
played in more towns than I have.
Helluva guy--real different... I
actually saw him read a book
without pictures once
ANNIE
Really? Kinda cute...
ANNIE NODS AT CRASH -- He comes over to her table, greets
Max as an old friend, and introduces himself.
CRASH
I'm Crash Davis.
ANNIE
Annie Savoy. Wanta dance?
CRASH
I don't dance.
ANNIE
I don't trust a man who don't
dance. It ain't natural.
SUDDENLY -- HARD CORE ROCK AND ROLL on the juke box. Several
couples dance, and out of the pack--
EBBY DANCES WITH A GROUPIE -- Spinning and whirling,
uninhibited and infectious. He's suddenly dancing with a
different WOMAN, then another, and another...
ANNIE, CRASH AND MAX WATCH the mad performance.
MAX
Who's he dancing with?
ANNIE
All of 'em, I think...
EBBY PUTS ON A ONE MAN SHOW ON THE DANCE FLOOR -- The whole
bar stops to watch him, applauding as he spins to a finish.
A quirkier "Saturday Night Fever" show. More naive, fun.
He climbs off the floor and joins Annie's table.
EBBY
Thanks for the note--you're right,
I wasn't bending my back.
ANNIE
You got a live arm there.
He extends his hand to introduce himself.
EBBY
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
ANNIE
You need a nickname.
EBBY
That's what I been telling
everybody! Wanta dance?
CRASH
She's dancing with me.
ANNIE
Crash, I didn't think you--
CRASH
I'll learn. C'mon--
EBBY
Just a minute, pal
The two men square off quickly. Annie mocks them.
ANNIE
You boys gonna fight over little
me?
CRASH RISES, pulling Annie with him. But--
EBBY STANDS to challenge Crash.
EBBY
Step outside, pal.
CRASH
Love to--
ANNIE
Oh don't be such guys--
But Crash and Ebby head outside. She turns to Max--
ANNIE
Hell, Max, wanta dance?
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARKING LOT -- NIGHT
A circle is formed. Everybody gathers. Millie clings to
Tony, her guy of the moment. Crash and Ebby face off.
CRASH
I don't believe in fighting.
EBBY
Pussy.
CRASH
Take the first shot at me.
EBBY
I ain't hitting a man first.
CRASH
Hit me in the chest with this...
CRASH PULLS A BASEBALL from his jacket pocket, tosses it to
Ebby.
EBBY
I'd kill ya.
CRASH
From what I hear you couldn't hit
a bull in the ass with a slingshot
EBBY
Don't try me.
CRASH
Throw it. C'mon, right in the
chest.
EBBY
No way.
CRASH
C'mon, Meat. You can't hit me
'cause you're starting to think
about it already, you're starting
to think how embarrassing it'll
be to miss, how all these people
would laugh.
(teasing mercilessly)
C'mon, Rook--show me that million
dollar arm 'cause I'm getting a
good idea about the five cent
head--
EBBY REARS BACK AND FIRES THE BALL -- From ten feet away,
right at Crash's chest. But, alas--
THE BALL GOES THROUGH A SECOND STORY WINDOW in the distance.
Crash never blinks.
CRASH
Ba11 four.
EBBY IS ENRAGED -- HE CHARGES CRASH, lunging at him.
EBBY
Who the fuck are you?!
CRASH LASHES OUT A SHORT LEFT -- With lightning speed,
effortless. And brutal. BANG! Ebby goes down. And stays
there stunned. He looks up.
CRASH
I'm Crash Davis. Your new catcher.
And you just got Lesson Number
One--"Don't think--it can only
hurt the ballclub".
(beat)
Buy ya a drink?
CUT TO:
INT. THE CLUB -- NIGHT
ANNIE AND MAX DANCE to Billy Eckstein on the juke box. Millie
and Tony are also on the dance floor.
ECKSTEIN (ON JUKE BOX)
April in Paris, chestnuts in
blossom, Holiday tables under the
tree...
EBBY AND CRASH WATCH FROM THE CORNER TABLE -- Ebby's right
eye is blackened. He holds a drink on it.
EBBY
We fight, she gets the clown--
how's that happen?
CRASH
Shut up--I like this song...
(sings along)
April in Paris, this is a feeling,
No one can ever reprieve...
EBBY
She's playing with my mind.
CRASH
It's a damn easy thing to play
with.
ANNIE SUDDENLY APPEARS at the table.
ANNIE
Well--you boys stopped fighting
yet? Are you pals now? Good. I
love a little macho male bonding--
I think it's sweet even if it's
probably latent homosexuality
being "re-channeled" but I believe
in "re-channeling" so who cares,
right?
(beat)
Shall we go to my place?
EBBY
Which one of us?
ANNIE
Oh both of you, of course...
CLOSE ON EBBY -- His eyes full of fear and wonder.
CLOSE ON CRASH -- He smiles.
THE THREE OF THEM LEAVE the bar together.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNIE'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
THE SHRINE OF BASEBALL GLOWS -- Annie lights the candles.
EBBY AND CRASH SIT ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF HER COUCH -- Both men
look around the room with wonder. Ebby is clearly more
nervous than Crash, who's been in some strange rooms in his
minor league career.
ANNIE
These are the ground rules.
(beat)
I hook up with one guy a season--
I mean it takes me a couple of
weeks to pick the guy--kinda my
own spring training...
(beat)
And, well, you two are the most
promising prospects of the season
so far.
(beat)
So... I thought we should get to
know each other.
CRASH
Why do you get to choose? Why
don't I get to choose?
ANNIE
Actually none of us on this planet
ever really choose each other.
It's all Quantum Physics and
molecular attraction. There are
laws we don't understand that
bring us together and break us
apart.
EBBY
Is somebody gonna go to bed with
somebody or what?
ANNIE
You're a regular nuclear meltdown,
honey--slow down.
Crash rises to leave, and heads for the door.
CRASH
After 12 years in the minor
leagues, I don't tryout. Besides--
I don't believe in, Quantum Physics
when it comes to matters of the
heart...or loins.
ANNIE
(challenging him)
What do you believe in?
Crash at the door. Annie's question is slightly taunting.
He stops, and speaks with both aloofness and passion:
CRASH
I believe in the soul, the cock,
the pussy, the small of a woman's
back, the hanging curve ball,
high fiber, good scotch, long
foreplay, show tunes, and that
the novels of Thomas Pynchon are
self-indulgent, overrated crap.
(beat)
I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald
acted alone, I believe that there
oughtta be a constitutional
amendment outlawing astro-turf
and the designated hitter, I
believe in the "sweet spot", voting
every election, soft core
pornography, chocolate chip
cookies, opening your presents on
Christmas morning rather than
Christmas eve, and I believe in
long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses
that last for 7 days.
ANNIE
(breathless)
Oh my...
(softly)
Don't leave...
CRASH
G'night.
Crash heads out into the night. Annie hurries to the-door
while Ebby sits on the couch, bewildered.
EBBY
Hey--what's all this molecule
stuff?
ANNIE STANDS IN THE DOORWAY -- Crash is on the porch.
ANNIE
Wait, Crash--don't go--all I want
is a date. I'm not gonna fall in
love with you or nothin'.
CRASH
I'm not interested in a woman
who's interested in that boy.
ANNIE
I'm not interested yet.
Ebby appears in the door.
EBBY
Who you calling a "boy"?
CRASH
See ya at the yard, Meat.
Crash walks out into the Durham night. Ebby and Annie stand
in the doorway. She speaks softly to Ebby.
ANNIE
No ballplayer ever said "no" to a
date with me.
EBBY
Well shit, then, let's fuck.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER
ANNIE PUTS ON A RECORD -- Edith Piaf sings "Le Trois Cloches".
EBBY STARTS UNDRESSING across the room.
ANNIE
Wait, honey, slow down--I want to
watch.
She sits in a chair. Piaf sings. Ebby practically rips his
shirt off, exposing a great upper body.
ANNIE
No, no, no. Put it back on and
take it off slowly.
EBBY
Jesus, what kinda broad are you?
ANNIE
When you know how to make love,
you'll know how to pitch.
(turning to the stereo)
Shh. I love this part.
Piaf sings. Annie listens. Ebby re-buttons, then unbuttons
his shirt. It drops, revealing his back.
ANNIE
Oh my--what a nice back.
Ebby drops his pants.
ANNIE
No, no, honey... first the shoes
and socks.
EBBY
The socks? It's cold in here.
ANNIE
(sweetly, unthreatening)
You think Dwight Gooden leaves
his socks on?
Ebby considers this. Pulls his pants back up. Takes his
socks off. Then his pants.
ANNIE
Ebby honey have you ever been
handcuffed in bed?
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN DURHAM -- NIGHT
Deserted streets of the old tobacco town. Crash walks alone.
He picks up an old newspaper out of a trash can. He stops
in front of a store window. He rolls the newspaper like a
short bat. He takes a batting stance, and--
CRASH TAKES HIS BATTING STANCE in front of the window,
studying his reflection. He taken a "swing". And another.
A GROUP OF OLD BLACK MEN stand in a doorway, watching.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -'CONTINUOUS NIGHT
CLICK -- A handcuff is locked onto Ebby's wrist. Both his
arms are outstretched--he's getting very excited.
EBBY
Awright! I read about stuff like
this. Bring it on!
Annie calmly drags a chair over and sits down.
ANNIE
Sweetie, have you ever heard of
Walt Whitman?
EBBY
Who's he play for?
ANNIE
Well, he sort of pitches for the
Cosmic All-Stars.
EBBY
Never heard of 'em.
Annie opens a book and begins reading as Piaf sings softly.
ANNIE
Good--then listen.
(reading)
"I sing the body electric. The
armies of those I love engirth me
and I engirth them--"
EBBY
We gonna fuck or what?
ANNIE
Shh, shh...
(reading)
"They will not let me off till I
go with them, respond to them,
and discorrupt them and charge
them"
DISSOLVE TO:
SAME SCENE -- LATER
ANNIE
"Limitless limpid jets of love
hot and enormous -- quivering
jelly of love, white blow and
delirious juice--
CLOSE ON EBBY'S FACE -- Intrigued, aroused, frightened.
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN DURHAM -- NIGHT
THE OLD BLACK MAN is tossing wadded up balls of paper at
Crash who takes beautiful, fluid swings with the rolled up
newspaper. Batting practice.
CLOSE ON CRASH'S EYES -- Studying the "pitches" with intense
concentration, endlessly working on his game.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE DURHAM FIELD -- NEXT DAY
LARRY, DEKE, MICKEY AND BOBBY ARE SINGING at home plate as a
pre-game show. Larry is Diana Ross, the other three are the
Supremes, and the routine is brilliantly tacky.
LARRY (AND THE SUPREMES)
Baby love, oh oh, baby love, I
need ya oh how I need ya, All ya
do is treat me bad, Take my heart
and leave me sad...
CUT TO:
INT. DURHAM BULLS LOCKER ROOM -- DAY
JIMMY STANDS ON A BENCH trying to get the players' attention.
JIMMY
Listen up, guys, could I have
your attention a minute?
(a few heads turn)
I'm going to be leading a daily
chapel service at three In the
afternoons here in the locker
room and you're all invited to
drop by and worship before batting
practice.
BOBBY
Jimmy, God damn it--loosen up and
get laid.
BOBBY, 25, smooths the creases of his uniform, preening.
JIMMY
I don't care If you think I'm
square but I believe what I
believe.
All heads turn as:
EBBY ENTERS THE LOCKER ROOM -- He looks trashed.
BOBBY
Jesus, Ebby, what truck ran over
you?
EBBY
(glassy eyed)
Call me "Nuke". Annie said it's
my new nickname.
Lots of teasing from around the clubhouse.
DEKE
Annie nailed you? That's great,
means you're gonna have a helluva
year. Does she fuck as good as
they say?
EBBY
We didn't do it, man--she read
poetry to me all night, I swear.
It's more tiring than fucking.
EBBY GOES TO HIS LOCKER and starts undressing. Crash sits
next to him, looking straight ahead. Bobby nearby.
EBBY
--of love"...hey, Crash, does
that mean what I think it means?
What's the deal here?
Crash studies Ebby.
CRASH
Your shower shoes have fungus on
'em. You'll never get to the
Bigs with fungus on your shower
shoes.
(beat)
Think classy and you'll be classy.
If you win 20 in the Show you can
let the fungus grow back on your
shower shoes and the press'll
think you're colorful.
(beat)
Until you win twenty in the Show,
however, it means you're a slob.
CRASH RISES AND HEADS OUT to the field. Ebby sits silently,
holding his shower shoes, taking it all in.
CUT TO:
EXT. DURHAM BALLPARK -- GAME IN PROGRESS -- DAY
IN THE DUGOUT -- THE GAME FROM A DUGOUT P.O.V. The players
sit, stand, stir restlessly. A combination of relaxation
and intensity not visible from the stands.
CRASH IS HANDED HIS BAT and helmet by the bat boy.
DEKE
This guy's bringing some serious
smoke out there.
DUGOUT P.O.V. THE WINSTON-SALEM PITCHER throwing hard.
CRASH
He ain't got shit.
FOLLOW CRASH INTO THE ON-DECK CIRCLE -- The ritual. The bat
boy hands him the pine tar rag and he rubs pine tar on the
bat with great care.
CRASH RISES -- Heads to the plate. Talking to himself.
CRASH
You ain't getting that cheese by
me, meat.
CRASH TAKES HIS STANCE -- Upright. Calm. Head still.
CRASH (VOICE OVER)
Look for the fastball up. He's
gotta come with the cheese. Relax.
Relax. Quick bat. Pop the
clubhead. Open the hips. Relax.
You're thinking too much. Get
outta your fuckin' head, Crash.
CLOSE ON CRASH'S FACE -- His eyes intensely focused.
CRASH'S P.O.V. THE PITCHER -- Starts his windup.
CRASH (VOICE OVER)
Get on top of the ball. Quick
bat. Don't let him in your kitchen--
THE PITCHER DELIVERS -- Crash strides. Curveball.
Crash swings and misses, offstride. Strike one.
CRASH QUICKLY STEPS OUT OF THE BOX and picks up dirt. Rubs
it on his hands. He's pissed.
CRASH (VOICE OVER)
You stupid fuck, Crash. What're
you swinging at a breaking ball
for? Why's he starting me off
with a hammer? Fuck me.
(more dirt)
You're okay. Stay back. Stay
back, you dumb fuck. Wait. Wait.
P.O.V. THE PITCHER'S NEXT DELIVERY -- CURVE BALL AWAY.
CRASH STRIDES INTO THE PITCH -- Lashes a line drive down the
first base line. Just foul.
Crash has started to first. Pulls up. Returns slowly to
the plate. Picks up his bat.
CRASH
Throw that shit again, meat.
Throw that weak ass shit.
(beat)
Now he's gotta try to slip the
cheese by me. one and one.
You're on top. Now bring me the gas--
--P.O.V. PITCHER'S THIRD DELIVERY -- High and tight. Right
at Crash's head. The ball seems to accelerate. About to
explode his skull. For a moment--THE FEAR OF DEATH...
CRASH HITS THE DIRT -- It just misses his head.
CRASH CLIMBS OUT OF THE DIRT -- Brushes himself off.
CRASH (VOICE OVER)
This son of a bitch throws hard.
(beat)
Annie, Annie, Annie--who is this
Annie?
(catching himself)
Jesus, get outta the box you idiot,
where's your head? Get the broad
outta your head.
CRASH HOLDS UP HIS HAND to the ump.
CRASH
Time out.
UMP
Time out!
CRASH STEPS OUT OF THE BOX -- Motions to the bat boy for the
pine tar rag. The boy brings it over. Crash re-applies it
to his bat.
BAT BOY
Get a hit, Crash.
CRASH
Shut up.
CRASH WALKS BACK TO THE BOX -- Talking to himself.
CRASH
Awright, awright. You've seen
all his pitches. Two and one.
Relax. Wait. Quick bat. You
can hit this shit--
CRASH IN THE BATTER'S BOX -- Digs in-again. Takes his stance.
Upright. Relaxed. Ready.
CRASH (VOICE OVER)
Shorten up. Bring the gas... Be
quick--be quick--yeah, yeah...
CUT TO:
ANNIE AND JACKSON IN THE STANDS -- She's writing a note
quickly, and hands it to Jackson, who hurries off.
CUT TO:
CRASH'S P.O.V. THE PITCHER'S NEXT PITCH -- A major league
fastball. It explodes to the plate. Crash swings. And
misses. Strike Three.
CRASH WALKS BACK TO THE DUGOUT -- Head high, no show of
emotion. Almost proud. An old Warrior, not giving an inch
even in defeat.
HE RE-ENTERS THE DUGOUT -- Sits down and starts putting the
catcher's gear back on. Deke leans over.
DEKE
Serious heat, eh?
CRASH
He ain't got shit.
THE BATBOY TAKES THE NOTE FROM JACKSON -- And hands it to
Crash, who refuses to accept it, being busy putting his gear
on.
BAT BOY
From Annie.
CRASH
Read it.
BAT BOY
Dear Crash. You have a lovely
swing but you're pulling your
hips out too early. I'd be happy
to meet you at the Batting Cage
tomorrow to discuss it. Signed,
Annie.
DEKE
Well if there's one chick'd know
when you're pulling your hips out
early, Annie's the one.
Crash doesn't seem too amused. He grabs the note, and the
pen hanging from the starting lineup card taped to the dugout
wall. He scrawls a quick note.
CUT TO:
ANNIE'S PRIVATE BOX -- She's watching the players through
binoculars as Jackson returns with the note.
ANNIE
(looking through the
glasses)
What'd he say?
Jackson looks at the note uneasily, then reads--
JACKSON
It says..."I want to-make...
love to you. Crash".
ANNIE PUTS DOWN THE GLASSES -- Takes the note.
ANNIE
Oh my...
CUT TO:
EXT. A LOCAL BATTING CAGE DAY
ANNIE DIGS IN AT THE PLATE -- Bat in hand. Crash a few feet
away. Annie spits on her hands, wear batting glove, pumps
the bat back and forth.
THE MECHANICAL PITCHING MACHINE DELIVERS -- Kawoosh.
ANNIE SWINGS -- Lashes out a line drive. Crash smiles.
ANNIE
See my hips?
CRASH
Yep.
ANNIE
I think Thomas Pynchon's a genius.
CRASH
When you're hitting you shouldn't
think about anything but hitting.
(beat)
But you shouldn't think about it
too much. The trick is to use
your brain to not use your brain.
ANNIE
But you were pulling your hips
last night.
CRASH
So...Wanta make love?
ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES the next pitch.
ANNIE
I'm committed to Nuke for the
season. You had your chance the
other night.
CRASH
What'you see in that guy--he's
dim, pretty boy. a young, wild,
ANNIE
Young men are uncomplicated.
(Crash mutters)
And he's not "dim". He's just
inexperienced. My job is to give
him "life-wisdom" and help him
make it to the major leagues.
CRASH
That's my job too.
ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES another pitch.
ANNIE
Damn.
CRASH
You're pulling your hips out.
ANNIE
But they're nice hips.
(beat)
I looked up your records-- You've
hit 227 home runs in the minors.
That's great!
ANNIE FOULS ONE OFF and digs in gamely.
CRASH
Don't tell anybody.
ANNIE
Why not? If you hit twenty homers
this year you'll be the all time
minor league champ! The record's
CRASH
247 home runs in the minors would
be a dubious honor, if ya think
about it.
ANNIE
Oh no, I think it'd be great!
The Sporting News should know
about it.
CRASH
No. Please.
ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES another one.
ANNIE
Damn.
CRASH
Let me.
CRASH STEPS IN TO HIT -- He takes his familiar stance. The
pitch comes. Crash drills it.
CRASH
Your place or mine?
ANNIE
Despite my love of weird
metaphysics and my rejection of
most Judao-Christian ethics, I
am, within the framework of a
baseball season, monogamous.
CRASH
Fact is you're afraid of meeting
a guy like me 'cause It might be
real so you sabotage it with some
bullshit about commitment to a
young boy you
can boss around--
(whack--a line drive)
Great deal. You get to write
self- indulgent little poems all
winter about how hard it is to
find a man even though you just
sent him packing-
(whack--a line drive)
So what do you really want? You
wanta be a tragic woman figure
wallowing in the bullshit of magic?
(whack--a line drive)
Or do you want a guy?
The pitching machine arm flaps. Empty. Silence.
ANNIE
Oh Crash...you do make speeches...
Crash puts the bat down, heads out the gate. She follows.
A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM ARRIVES -- Twenty-five 10 year olds in
uniform with a couple PARENT COACHES.
LITTLE LEAGUER #1
Hey, are you Crash Davis! Can I
have a autograph?!
CRASH STOPS TO SIGN AUTOGRAPHS amidst 25 Little Leaguers.
CRASH
(as he signs autographs)
Well, Annie, your place or mine?
ANNIE
You got me all confused.
CRASH
A batter has two tenths of a second
to decide whether to swing--
ANNIE
I'm not a real batter. I'm a
woman.
LITTLE LEAGUER
Hey, when are you guys gonna start
winning? You're terrible!
ANNIE
It's a long season, boys.
SUDDENLY A VOICE -- Nuke pulls up, gets out of his Porsche.
NUKE
Hey!
(coming over)
What're you guys doing here--
stealing my girl?
CRASH
Now, Nuke, would I do a thing
like that?
(to the little leaguers)
Hey kids, this is the great Ebby
Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh.
LITTLE LEAGUERS
It's Nuke, it's Nuke! Can I have
your autograph?! etc.
NUKE
No prob, kids--
And suddenly Nuke is swept up into a sea of Little Leaguers.
Crash smiles as he turns Annie and the kids over to Nuke.
CRASH
See you guys at the ballpark.
Crash leaves Annie with Nuke and 25 Little Leaguers.
CUT TO:
EXT. CRASH GETS INTO HIS CAR -- CONTINUOUS
AN AGING SHELBY MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE -- The paint's fading, a
couple dings in the body, but loaded under the hood.
CRASH PUNCHES HIS TAPE DECK -- Sam Cooke's "You Send Me".
ANNIE BITES HER FIST watching Crash leave.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -- DAY
The sounds of lovemaking in a darkened room lit only by a
few candles.
ANNIE
Yes, yes, yesnmmmmyes...
(beat)
Oh my...
(several beats)
Oh, that was just fabulous, Crash.
Several beats of silence.
NUKE
Crash?
He flips on a lamp near the bed.
NUKE
You mean Nuke. You said "Crash".
ANNIE
I didn't say "Crash". I said
Nuke.
NUKE
You said "Crash".
ANNIE
Honey, don't ever listen to a
woman when she's making love.
They'll say the strangest things.
NUKE
You said "Crash".
ANNIE
Would you rather me be making
love to him, using your name, or
making love to you, using his
name?
Nuke considers this fabulous logic.
NUKE
Yeah maybe you're right.
ANNIE
You see how nice things are when
we go slow?
Nuke sighs; and lets his head sink in the pillow.
NUKE
Mmm, hmmm.
(beat)
You shoulda seen how many people
came to the airport to see me
off. When I got drafted first it
was the happiest day of my Father's
life.
(beat)
He likes baseball more than I
do...
ANNIE
You can learn to like it.
NUKE
I wanted to be the host of Dance
Fever, somethin' like that...
ANNIE
Y'know if you make it to the Bigs
you could still become the host
of Dance Fever. Baseball's a
good stepping stone for things
like that.
NUKE
God, I never thought of that.
ANNIE
(sweetly)
There is a lot of things you never