Bamboozled

by
Spike Lee



BLACK SCREEN

We HEAR the voice of MALCOLM X.

MALCOLM X (V.O.)
You've been hoodwinked. You've
been had. You've been took.
You've been led astray, run amok.
You've been bamboozled.

His followers ROAR.

CUT TO TITLE:

"BAMBOOZLED"

CUT TO CRAWL:

WHITE LETTERS ON BLACK

WE HEAR the VOICE of PIERRE DELACROIX.

DELACROIX (V.O.)
Satire. 1a. A literary work in
which human vice or folly is
ridiculed or attacked scornfully.
B. The branch of literature that
composes such work. 2. Irony,
derision or caustic wit used to
attack or expose folly, vice or
stupidity.

INT. APARTMENT - MORNING

WE are in the living quarters of PIERRE DELACROIX. The
windows overlook the Brooklyn Promenade and the majestic
lower Manhattan skyline.

DELACROIX (V.O.)
Bonjour, my name is Pierre Delacroix.
I'm a television writer, also a
showrunner, a creative person.

We see a tall figure move in and around the space.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I'm one of those people responsible
for what you view on your idiot box.

CLOSE ON

Monogrammed cuff sleeve - the initials P.D.

2.


DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The problem is not enough of you
have been watching.

CLOSE ON

Monogrammed shirt pocket - the initials P.D.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)
With the onslaught of the internet,
video and interactive games, nine
hundred channels to choose from and
whatnot, our valued audience has
dramatically eroded.

CLOSE ON

Razor cuts a path through a white foam on a black face.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)
To put it in much more simple
terms...

Delacroix YELLS.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Like rats fleeing a sinking ship.

CLOSE ON

The handsome face of Pierre Delacroix.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)
People tuning out by the millions.

Delacroix turns to the CAMERA and addresses US.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)
Which is not good.

EXT. TENEMENT - LOWER EAST SIDE - MORNING

The tenement building is boarded up, condemned, bombed out,
but a home, a shelter nonetheless.

INT. TENEMENT - MORNING

People to our surprise live in here. It is a commune. The
homeless, people who have been left out, forgot about,
written off, and don't matter. The fringes of society.

CHEEBA, a skinny Puerto Rican male, tries to wake a
slumbering body under a mass of old newspapers.

3.


CHEEBA
Yo, let's get to it. You don't
dance, we don't eat. Simple as that.

The mass begins to move.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)
That's right. We slow. We blow.
We snooze. We lose.

INT. CNS TOWER - MORNING

MANRAY, a young African-American dread-lock male, and Cheeba
are getting set up in front of the entrance to the
CONTINENTAL NETWORK SYSTEM building. CNS is one of the
fledgling, upstart new networks, trying to battle with ABC,
NBC, CBS, FOX, WB, and UPN.

ANGLE ON

Entrance. Cheeba is putting the portable floor down on the
sidewalk. Manray sits on the curb, taking the sneakers off
and putting on his tap shoes; bottle caps are on the soles
of the shoes instead of real taps.

CHEEBA
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
I know everybody is in a hurry to
work, ready to begin another day in
this rat race. But don't sleep us.
I'm Cheeba and I introduce to you
the world renown MANRAY, the man
with the educated feet.

Manray takes a small bow. A few, not many, people have
stopped to look.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)
As we continue our world wind tour,
we would like to give you a little
somethin', somethin' before you go
off to make that money. I give you
Manray.

CLOSE ON

Manray, who starts to do his thing, and when he starts doing
his thing attention must be paid.

ANGLE ON

Crowd, as Manray gets busy, people gather to watch.

ANGLE ON

4.


Delacroix, he is about to walk into the CNS building but
stops to check out Manray.

CLOSE ON

Manray, he pounds out some intricate steps and freezes at
the end of the move.

ANGLE ON

Crowd, who applaud as Cheeba unfolds a brown shopping bag
and holds it out in front of them.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)
Thank you very much but please
don't go without giving us some
cheddar, cheese, money. We prefer
two's than fews.

People are digging into their pockets.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)
I would like to add that both of us
are homeless. Not that it means
anything.

A WOMAN is about to dump some change in the brown paper bag.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)
I said homeless. Ladies and
gentlemen. Senorita, do you know
what that means?

Cheeba looks at her and she quickly pulls out a 5-spot from
her purse and drops it into the bag.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)
Muchos gracias.

Cheeba works his way over to Delacroix.

DELACROIX
Good morning, Cheeba.

CHEEBA
Good morning to you, Mr. Delapot.

DELACROIX
De-la-croix.

CHEEBA
Y'know what I mean. Got a gig yet
for Manray and I yet?

5.


DELACROIX
Not yet.

Delacroix hands Cheeba a ten dollar bill.

CHEEBA
Gracias.

Delacroix moves towards the revolving doors of CNS.

DELACROIX
Manray, Sloan says you're too
talented to be dancing on the street.

MANRAY
Well do something about it.

INT. ELEVATOR - MORNING

Delacroix is the lone person of color in the elevator.

INT. CNS - MORNING

Delacroix gets off the elevator, takes out his ID, slips it
through the scanner and enters the reception area of CNS.

DELACROIX
Good morning, Marie.

MARIE
It's not gonna be a good morning
for you if you don't get into
Dunwitty's staff meeting.

DELACROIX
What staff meeting?

MARIE
The staff meeting that started 30
minutes ago.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING

Delacroix walks, or better yet, slithers into the staff
meeting that is already in progress. TWENTY WRITERS sit
around an oval table, all are Caucasian except Delacroix,
again he's the lone person of color, the "fly in the
buttermilk."

DUNWITTY, Senior V.P. of the Entertainment Division of CNS
looks at Delacroix and waits for him to sit down before he
continues.

6.


DUNWITTY
Monsieur Delacroix, this very
important meeting commenced...

Dunwitty looks at his Rolex Chronograph - Daytona Model.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
...exactly thirty-two minutes ago.

DUNWITTY
I'm sorry I'm late.

DUNWITTY
Do you know how much information
can be dispensed in one minute alone?

DELACROIX
I didn't find out about this very
important staff meeting until...

Delacroix looks at his Jaeger-LeCoultre.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)
Four minutes ago.

DUNWITTY
So are you telling me everyone knew
about this get-together except you?

DELACROIX
I wasn't told about this until
Marie informed me as soon as I got
off the elevator.

All eyes are on Delacroix and he feels it.

DUNWITTY
People, you can attempt to pull a
Rodman like our friend Delacroix,
but I guarantee you'll be sent
packing just like him.

Dunwitty via remote turns off the lights and turns on an
overhead projector.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
These are the standings. Read 'em
and weep. As you can plainly see
the Continental Network System is
languishing.

CLOSE ON

Ratings charts.

7.


DUNWITTY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Look at 'em people. We are BOOTY,
CA CA. We are DOO-DOO. Doo-doo on
a stick, if you will.

CLOSE ON

Dunwitty.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
I do not like to be the laughing
stock of the broadcast industry. I
have pride and people, you better
start getting some too. These
numbers have to go up.

Dunwitty turns on the lights. JOAN, one of the writers,
raises her hand.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
Question?

JOAN
So what do you want us to do?

DUNWITTY
What I want everyone to do is write
some material that is FUNNY. The
junk you've been writing is about
as funny as a dead baby. It's not
funny, it's not new. It's not sexy.
It, it, it...

CLOSE ON

Fish.

FISH
Sucks.

ANGLE ON

Conference room.

DUNWITTY
SUCKS. Thank you, Fish. This
meeting is over but I want everyone
to seriously think about what I
said and how you can deliver.

People scurry out.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
Monsieur Delacroix, in my office now.

8.


INT. HALLWAY - MORNING

The writers, beat down, come out of the conference room and
move past SLOAN HOPKINS, a highly attractive African-
American "sistuh."

Delacroix sees Sloan and holds her arm as they walk. He
talks under his breath.

SLOAN
How was it?

DELACROIX
Why didn't you tell me about this
staff meeting?

SLOAN
Nobody told me anything.

DELACROIX
What good are you if you don't tell
me stuff like this?

SLOAN
It wasn't my fault. If I would
have known, I would have known.

INT. DUNWITTY'S OFFICE - MORNING

Delacroix enters his corner office, which has huge action
photos of ALI, JORDAN, GRIFFEY, TYSON, AARON and JABBAR on
his walls, it is also decorated with African art throughout.

ANGLE ON

Office. Dunwitty looks at the floor-to-ceiling windows
overlooking mid-town Manhattan.

DUNWITTY
Do you know what C.P. Time is?

DELACROIX
C.P. Time is Colored People's Time.
The stereotypical belief that
Negroes are always late. That
Negroes have no sense of time -
time except when it comes to music
or dance.

They both laugh.

DUNWITTY
Let's sit down over there.

9.


Dunwitty and Delacroix sit on the sofa.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
I'm sorry about my blowup but I
have to have a whipping boy every
meeting.

DELACROIX
I understand. But again, in all
honesty I was not informed.

DUNWITTY
Forget it. I believe you're my
most creative person I've got on
staff. You're hip. You know
what's happening. I got some corny
white boys and girls writing for me.

Delacroix doesn't join him in his laughter because he
doesn't know how to take that comment or where Dunwitty is
headed with it.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
I understand Black culture. I grew
up around black people all my life.
If the truth be told I probably
know "niggers" better than you,
Monsieur Delacroix. Please don't
get offended by my use of the
quote-unquote N word. I got a
black wife and three bi-racial
children, so I feel I have a right
to use that word. I don't give a
damn what Spike says, Tarantino is
right. Nigger is just a word. If
Dirty Ole Bastard can use it every
other word so can I.

DELACROIX
I would prefer you not use that
word in my presence.

DUNWITTY
NIGGER. NIGGER. NIGGER. NIGGER.

Delacroix pounces on top of Dunwitty like a cat on a mouse
and gives him a quick BROOKLYN BEAT DOWN.

DELACROIX
Say it again. C'mon, say it again.

CLOSE ON

Dunwitty. He's a bloody pulp.

10.


CLOSE ON

Delacroix.

He straightens his tie.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)
Who's a nigger now?

POW. This is a fantasy in Delacroix's mind. We go BACK TO
REALITY. Everything's how we left it.

DUNWITTY
The material you've been creating
is too white bread. White people
with black faces. The Huxtable's,
Cosby, revolutionary. But that's
dead. We can't go down that road
again.

DELACROIX
I don't agree. The Negro middle
class does exist, and it's rich
material for a dramatic series or
sitcom.

DUNWITTY
I'm telling you it's not.

He goes to his desk, picks up Delacroix's scripts and starts
throwing them one by one against the window.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)
The middle class black family moves
into a white suburban enclave. The
middle class black family moves
into a small Southern town that is
run by the KKK. The middle class
single black father raises his
teenage daughter. The middle class
single black father raises his
teenage daughter. The middle class
single black mother raises her
teenage son. And so on and so
forth. It's too clean, too
antiseptic...

DELACROIX
...to white? I still feel all of
my scripts would make good shows.

11.


DUNWITTY
Delacroix, wake up, brother man.
The reason why they didn't get
picked up was because nobody - and
I mean NOBODY - niggers and crackers
alike wants to see that junk.

DELACROIX
I've never been given a fair shot.

DUNWITTY
You got your head stuck up your ass
with your Harvard education and
your pretentious ways. Brother
man, I'm blacker than you. I'm
keepin' it real and you're frontin',
trying to be white.

DELACROIX
I'm an oreo, a sell out? Because I
don't aspire to do HOMEBOYS FROM
OUT OF SPACE, SECRET DIARY OF
DESMOND PFEIFFER, A PJ's or some as
you might put it, some "nigger"
show? I'm a Tom? I'm whiter than
white and you're blacker than black?
Is that what you think?

DUNWITTY
That's exactly what I think. I
want you to create something that
people want to see. Let's be
honest, the majority of the people
in the country are deaf, dumb and
blind and I'm including 35 million
African-Americans. You know and I
know "niggers" set the trend, set
the styles. This is a golden
opportunity now. These idiots have
to be led to the water.

DELACROIX
I'm not sure if I can deliver what
you want.

DUNWITTY
You will or you'll be back at BET
so quick you'll never know what hit
you. I need a mid-season
replacement and pronto. It will be
on the fast track.

12.


DELACROIX
What is it you want from me? Some
plantation follies? Some sitcom
that takes place on a watermelon
patch? Some show that follows four
nigger generations of junkies and
crackheads? You want me to go back
to the ante bellum days?

DUNWITTY
Yes! Yes! Yes! I want a show
that will make headlines, that will
have millions and millions of
households tuned in, glued to their
televisions every week. I want
advertisers dying to buy on this
show. I'm gonna squeeze this show
out of you if it kills you.

EXT. TENEMENT - NIGHT

WE SEE a street lamp, and coming out of it are some wires.
WE FOLLOW the wires into a tenement building.

The residents have tapped into a street light courtesy of
CON EDISON for power.

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

Cheeba stands in front of the makeshift kitchen, which
includes a hot plate, and prepares a gourmet meal of a tasty
Spanish dish. The clean apartment is furnished with stuff
people have thrown out that they picked up on the street.

MANRAY
I'm starvin' like Marvin.

CHEEBA
My world famous, famous world Arroz
con pollo will be ready very soon.

MANRAY
Hurry up, I wanna watch HBO.

CHEEBA
Did we get our bill yet?

They both laugh.

MANRAY